She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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