If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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