I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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