hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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