its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
