Don't you send me to vm
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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