New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
