We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
