you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
