"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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