Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
