the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
