ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
