You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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