Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
