I got her a Nickelback box set.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
