it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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