I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
This is classic penis vs brain.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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