Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
