mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
We had sex on a dog bed..
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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