Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
