it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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