He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
