Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
