It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
