You work out of a Hotel?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
