There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
