I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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