I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
