Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
