I accidentally burped into my bong.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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