ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
