That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
