Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
