the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
