i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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