FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Come share oat with me in your robe
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
