***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
