I molested 6 butterflies tonight
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
