My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
its liver damage thursday
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
