I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
