My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
