Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
