"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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