Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
