i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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