9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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