Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
