I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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