Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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