I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
My bed smells like the plague
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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